The ninja is on the move...

One thing about being a ninja is certain, and that is: one must stay moving.  In that notion, this blog is now moving to its new home at http://www.chainmailninja.com/.  All my previous blog entries have been added there and made shiny with pictures, and all my future blogs will be located there.  So if you have been a fan of reading my blogs in the past, please continue to do so at http://www.chainmailninja.com/.  Oh, and if you are reading while at work and the idea of your boss seeing pictures of women wearing chain mail bikinis is potentially troublesome, instead you can go to www.chainmailninja.com/blog, where you can see all the blog posts but none of the awesome chain mail fashion products that are also available on that site.

Movies you may not know started as Comics

Some of the reviews to follow couldn't be anything but Comics originally, like Spawn and Hellboy, but others you may not realize originated on the paneled page of Comics and made the transition to the Silver Screen.  I have not included films like Transformers, GI-Joe, or Masters of the Universe which started as toys and moved to television and comics before ending up as movies.  That's a whole other blog waiting to happen. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990, 1991, 1993, 2007) Mirage Studios

Everyone's favorite "Heroes in a Half-Shell" began life as a joke made by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird mocking other hot-selling comics of the early 80's Daredevil, New Mutants, Cerberus and Ronin.  In the first comic, all the turtles wore red masks, and they ended up killing the Shredder.  It was a much darker and grittier version than the catch-phrase spouting, pizza-eating goofy characters they would eventually become.  By the late 80's and early 90's you couldn't swing a nunchuku without hitting something featuring the faces of the famous fighting foursome.  The immortal Jim Henson designed the suits that brought the Turtles to the screen, and was one of his final projects.  The original trilogy of movies went from entertaining to campy really fast, and the 2007 all-digital remake TMNT recaptures some of the original charm and free spirit that the Turtles embodied. 

·         Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: 8 ninja Stars. This is as good as it got for the Team in Green

·         TMNT 2: The Secret of the Ooze: 4 Ninja Stars. Vanilla ice has a cameo and song. Yech.

·         TMNT 3: Turtles in Time: 2 Ninja Stars. This one was really a reach.  Not very entertaining.

·         TMNT: A good reboot, 6.5Ninja Stars.

Dick Tracy (1990) Tribune Media Services

If the newspaper you read growing up didn't have the Dick Tracy comic strip...which is likely...the first exposure you got to Dick Tracy in his trademark yellow fedora was in this awesomely cast movie.  Warren Beatty as Dick Tracy is great in the titular character, Madonna is at her peak as Breathless Mahoney, and Al Pacino as a mob boss is expected, but there are so many other great names that appear in this flick, like Kathy Bates and Dick Van Dyke in bit roles as a stenographer and a corrupt DA, Dustin Hoffman as Mumbles, Paul Sorvino as Lips Manlis, Mandy Patinkin as piano player 88 keys, and Catherine O'Hara and James Caan as rival gangsters Texie Garcia and Spud Spaldoni.  This film is a good romp through the 30's with bright colors and outrageous villains, and looks like it was pulled straight from the funny pages. 

7.5 Ninja Stars

The Rocketeer (1991) Pacific Comics

This film is another trip in the wayback machine to the 30's, where daredevil pilot Cliff Secord finds a rocket pack designed by Howard Hughes and uses it to fight Nazis.  First of all, let me just say that Jennifer Connelly is meow-licious in this movie, and Timothy Dalton plays the villain with panache and flair.  There are plenty of homages to film serials of the time period, and there is just a wholesome feel to this movie.  It doesn't rely on lots of gunfire or huge action sequences to make the story work, but you don't feel like you are lacking action at any point while watching.  Really an underrated film for its time.

7.5 Ninja Stars

The Shadow (1994) Street and Smith

For a change of pace, this movie was set...in the 30's.  Alec Baldwin plays the title role with some good help by Ian McKellan as elder sidekick Dr. Reinhardt Lane, and Tim Curry as henchman Farley Claymore.  The plot of this one is actually a lot more solid than I remembered before I gave it another viewing, but the special effects and action sequences are a bit lacking.  The dialogue is nothing to write home about either, but after it was done I found myself entertained, if not greatly so.

5.5 Ninja Stars

The Mask (1994) Dark Horse

We finally get out of the 30's with this tribute to campiness that actually follows the storyline of the comics quite well.  In the Comics, whoever wears The Mask is granted the ability to change thier body into just about anything, and completely loses all social inhibitions.  One change where the movie strayed from the Comic, is that the wearer would inevitably go completely insane and turn to cruel antiheroes, but toned down this role was perfect fodder for the rubber faced Jim Carrey who was in his heyday as The Mask, Ace Ventura, and Dumb and Dumber were all released in 1994.  Another important fact about this movie is that it introduced the world to Cameron Diaz.  And thank you for that.  And I guess since the Mask appeared wearing a zoot suit...we didn't QUITE manage to get all the way out of the 30's.

6 Ninja Stars

The Phantom  (1996) Various

Aaaand...we're back in the late 30's once again for this tale starring Billy Zane, Kristy Swanson, and Catherine Zeta-Jones.  The Phantom is a non-super powered hero who fights crime with the help of his horse Hero and his wolf Devil.  This movie suffered from lack of imagination from start to finish, and gets slow in some places, stagnant in others, and the action is laughable.  It feels like this movie was thrown together to try and cash in on the other films that did that period much better.  That said, I bought a Phantom ring when the movie was released, and to this day it resides on my keychain.  So I guess there is a part of me that is always reminded of this film.

5 Ninja Stars

The warm and fluffy part of this blog post is quite over.  The rest of these films go from dark to darker and reflect that change that happens in everyone's life where they stop watching films made for kids and start watching films made for adults, which is perhaps why I didn't like the Shadow and The Phantom as much as I liked the Rocketeer, which came out when I was 11.  But by '97 when Spawn was released I was 17 and quite ready to delve into the darker side of what film has to offer.

Spawn (1997) Image Comics

This film is about a man who is murdered, then tapped to be the general of Hells army and given a cape with powers. He then rebels against his hellish overlords and instead fights for vengeance against those who killed him, and tries to reunite with his wife.  It's not a very good storyline, the special effects aren't very good either, and while this movie does accomplish being dark and somewhat scary, it's just not quite what fans, nor I, were hoping for.

3 Ninja Stars

Road to Perdition (2002) Paradox Press

To start...what a cast.  Tom Hanks, Jude Law, Daniel Craig, and Paul Newman in his final film appearance.  Let that soak in for a second.  Then find and watch this dark, gritty, masterpiece of cinematography which explores a father-son relationship taken to quite the extreme.  I hesitate to say anything more about this movie other than it needs to be seen again.  And again. 

8.5 Ninja Stars

Hellboy Duology (2004, 2008) Dark Horse

Ron Perlman as Hellboy is just genius as he delivers quips and one-liners with great gruff timing, while the rest of the cast is good, with the exception of Selma Blair, who, if trapped in a wet paper bag could not use her acting skills to get said wet paper bag to open for her.  Yes, I said it.  Selma Blair couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag.  Both films perfectly encapsulate the struggles of a demon who just wants to fit in with the rest of us, find love, and fight monsters. 

·         Hellboy: 8.5 Ninja Stars

·         Hellboy 2: The Golden Army: 7 Ninja Stars

Constantine (2005) Based on DC's Hellblazer

This is my second favorite Keanu Reaves film, falling just short of The Matrix.  Keanu plays the cynical chain-smoking John Constantine, who is a normal guy mostly...except he can see the agents of both God and the Devil that walk among us and influence our lives.  He uses his mastery of the occult to bring down as many demons as he can, so he can try to gain the good graces of God.  I love all the plot twists that this movie takes, and the ending is one that will make you think. 

7 Ninja Stars.

Noah Westerfield cannot choose a favorite Ninja Turtle, for he embodies aspects of each of them and can use all of their weapons with lethal proficiency. 

That’s How I Roll: A look at Dungeons and Dragons

Let’s get this out of the way real quick.  I know as soon as the phrase “Dungeons & Dragons” is uttered, everyone has an idea in their head.  Some of you believe that D&D is an activity engaged in by the geekiest of the geeky, and all stereotypes of those socially awkward among us surge to the forefront.  Some picture a group of pre-pubescent nerds, or middle-aged nerds, gathered around a table wearing wizard hats and espousing about spells. While it can be all that, and many of those stereotypes are justified, D&D is a whole lot more.  You may be surprised to hear that two time NBA MVP Tim Duncan, actors Vin Diesel, Karl Urban and Mike Meyers, director Jon Favreau, and comedians Robin Williams and Stephen Colbert are among the many celebrities that have publicly proclaimed their love for D&D.  When I think of Dungeons & Dragons I remember numerous hours spent in camaraderie while using my imagination to its fullest and having many adventures surrounded by my friends.  D&D promotes using your imagination, teaches math skills, and encourages group interaction instead of sitting alone in front of your TV or computer playing a video game.

The impetus for this blog is that a new edition of Dungeons & Dragons is currently in development, the fifth official version of the game since it was first published in 1974.  The game was created by Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson based on a previous game called Chainmail.  D&D is not a game in the traditional sense that most people think of, in that there is no game board.  Players use a set of rule books to create characters in a fantasy setting, and one player is the Dungeon Master, or DM, who is the storyteller of the group.  The DM sets the world that the other players will participate in, and sets challenges for the other players to overcome as their characters.  For instance, a group may encounter monsters to defeat, dungeons to explore, traps to either disable or survive, riddles to solve, damsels to save, dragons to slay, treasure to unearth and on and on. Players roll dice to determine how well they perform at the different tasks they want to accomplish throughout the adventure.  Each swing of a sword, casting of a spell, or attempt to woo a tavern maiden hinges on how well you roll a 20-sided dice, known as a D20.  After encounters, the players earn experience points doled out by the DM and those points are accumulated and eventually the character gets to a higher level and attains new abilities.

Those basic mechanics have been adapted over the years to many other various media to become the genre known as the Role Playing Game, or RPG, from video games like Skyrim and Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, to MMO’s like World of Warcraft.  But while those systems have thrived and flourished, there has always been a contingent of people, young and old alike, that regularly gather around a table laden with snack food and rule books to play D&D.  And the reason is quite simple.  D&D can take you anywhere and you can do anything.  An example I love to recall happened in a game I was involved in that took place in the Star Wars universe.  The DM had placed our group in the middle of a crossroad, surrounded by immensely tall buildings, and he had a plan on what would happen to our group if we went North, South, East, or West…but we went up.  Straight up.  We completely ruined what our DM had planned for us with one simple choice of which way should we go, so like a good DM he improvised what came next and we continued our adventure.  If you are playing a video game and you want to go into a house to see what’s inside, if a programmer didn’t write the code for the door to that house to be able to open…you don’t get to go through it.

Now, I could bore you with tales of my various characters over the years, my Minotaur Archer Grok, my Half-Dragon Swordmaster Ladon, my Android Jedi Q9-J3 and on and on, but that’s really not the point of this article.  The point is to simultaneously rejoice and shudder at the news that D&D version 5.0 is in production and will be released at some point in the near future.  Why, you may ask, would I fear such a thing as I am obviously a fan of this franchise?  Well, now we get to the really hardcore geeky part of this whole situation because there is nothing geekier than arguing about which version of D&D is the best.  Some players have stuck with the same system they first started playing, disdaining any new system that is released.  That has a tendency to irk the companies that make these books knowing that there are some people who have not invested any more than the original ten dollar price tag for D&D back in the 70’s and still play their game every weekend. So every few years they change the rules up and release new versions to try and tempt more money out of their fan base.  Those changes then spark nerd rage fueled debates the likes of which you cannot possibly imagine unless you have seen them firsthand.  I never thought something like how a sorcerer casts spells could cause such vitriol and utter hatred…but I have seen such things.  Therefore each new version of D&D is both anticipated…and dreaded.  Personally, I favor version 3.5.  That may have to do with the fact that I have about 20 3.5 edition books that I paid good money for…but the simple fact of the matter is I didn’t like the changes that came with version 4.0.  It reminded me too much of World of Warcraft in the way it was set up, and that didn’t appeal to me as much as the more fluid style of 3.5, especially since I also played World of Warcraft at the time.

Version 5 of D&D is still in the developmental phase, and reports about this version are still sketchy, but one thing is apparent.  The company who currently makes and distributes D&D, Wizards of the Coast, is not ignoring their fan base.  The reports I have seen thus far indicate that the company is looking for input from across the geek community on how to make the best version of D&D that they can, easy enough for new players to get hooked, while advanced enough for the hardcore nerd to really dive into and luxuriate in.  Best of luck to you Wizards of the Coast.

Noah Westerfield is Ginyo Hobatsu, a Halfling Ninja of the Scorpion Clan proficient in the school of the Dancing Dragonfly. 

Thank you Bob Anderson 1922-2012

Today I am a Sad Ninja.

I am sad because I never made it to Hollywood, was never cast in a movie that involved swordplay, and thus, I never got to be coached by Bob Anderson.  Now I’ll never have the chance, as Bob passed away New Year’s Day at the age of 89.  Many of you might not know who Bob Anderson was, but I guarantee you have felt his genius.  Let’s just get the list out of the way right up front, shall we gentle reader?  Bob Anderson did stunt work on Superman II and for Bond films like Casino Royale (1967) and From Russia With Love.  More importantly, he was the Swordmaster for The Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Die Another Day, The Mask of Zorro, The Phantom, First Knight, The Three Musketeers, Alatriste, The Legend of Zorro, Highlander the Series, Highlander (the movie), Barry Lyndon, The Princess Bride, and 2 out of 3 Star Wars movies (Empire and Jedi).  When you see Darth Vader fighting Luke Skywalker…it’s Bob Anderson wearing the suit.  So let me state again, that today I am a sad ninja as I write this blog.

Anderson was a member of the saber fencing team that Great Britain sent to the 1952 Olympic Games in Helsinki where he finished tied for fifth place.  He then coached the team to silver medal performances in Rome in 1960 and Tokyo in 1964.  His career in cinema began in 1953 when he started choreographing fights for, and coaching, Errol Flynn in The Master of Ballantrae.  During one rehearsal, he accidentally slashed Flynn on the thigh, leading to notoriety in Hollywood as being the man who stabbed Errol Flynn.  He also trained Sean Connery, Antonio Banderas, Carey Elwes, Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, Kiefer Sutherland, Viggio Mortensen, Catherine Zeta-Jones…and also Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan.  That was back when Charlie Sheen was mostly sane, and Lohan was a cute kid with freckles.

As I am a fan of watching swordfighting in movies, I have been a fan of Bob Andersons work long before I knew of him.  Watching a fight choreographed by Bob Anderson resonates with you.  You feel the emotion behind every swing, can feel your arm quiver with each riposte.  Often times when I am puttering around the house I’ll throw in a movie to have on as background noise, and almost invariably I’ll have something on that has a credit to Bob Anderson.  So I think we’ll have a little recap of my favorites of his works.

The Mask of Zorro: There is a lot of action in this gem from 1998, and pretty much all of it is done with a sword in hand.  I had actually not watched this movie in quite a few years, but I popped it in as I was writing this blog post, and I am astounded at how non-stop the action really is.  My brother, aforementioned for how awesome he is, spent hours figuring out exactly when to pause the movie so that you could see the glimpse of Catherine Zeta-Jones’ nipple.  Anderson praised the athleticism of Antonio Banderas, “As far as swordplay is concerned, Antonio was the best and far superior to Errol Flynn.” That’s some high praise.  Remind me never to challenge Banderas to a duel.

Highlander the Series: I have seen every single episode of Highlander.  I am a bit of a Highlander fanboy, and you should expect a future blog to review the entire Highlander series.  That said, I actually didn’t know Anderson had worked on this series until I started doing research for this post.  Bad Ninja.  He was the swordmaster for the first 28 episodes of the show, so you can add Adrian Paul to the long list of actors that can attribute their swordplay skills to Anderson.  I already knew not to challenge Adrian Paul to a duel.  Not saying I couldn’t take him out…but not in a fair fight.  I am a ninja after all.

The Princess Bride: Fencing enthusiasts look at the fight between Westley (Carey Elwes) and Inigo (Mandy Patinkin) as the purest fencing duel ever put on cinema.  That’s because when William Goldman wrote the novel, he took great pains to research fencing so he would have his terminology correct.  Therefore when it came time to shoot the film, Anderson took those same great pains to make sure the actors knew how to properly perform those maneuvers, mainly because the characters are talking about what they are doing. 

Inigo: You are using Bonetti’s defense against me, eh?

Westley: I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.

Inigo: Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro.

Westley: Naturally…but I find that Thibault cancels Capo Ferro, don’t you?

Inigo: Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa…which I have!

Rocco Bonetti opened the first School of Rapier Fence, or Colledge, at Blackfriars in London in 1576. He preferred to deflect jabs and wait for mistakes to be made rather than rush into attack. Ridolfo Capo Ferro taught a linear style of fencing, saying "The cut has little place in rapier play".  Girard Thibault taught the Spanish Style of fencing in which parrying maneuvers ruined jabbing attacks. Camillo Agrippa was regarded as the man who defined the rapier as a thrusting weapon as well as one to be used for cutting.  Oh, and yes…both actors did fence right and left-handed.  And every shot of the fight is Elwes and Patinkin.  No stunt doubles were used for the swordfighting.

Star Wars: There are three people I’ll credit as portraying Darth Vader.  David Prowse, James Earl Jones, and Bob Anderson.  Don’t even talk to me about prequels.  Prowse, a Scottish bodybuilder, was not good with a blade, and Anderson couldn’t get him to perform the sword techniques well enough, so they just put him in the suit, put some lifts in his shoes to give him an extra 4 inches of height, and let Bob take the swings at Mark Hamil.  For many years his role went uncredited until Hamill made it public in an 1983 interview.  "Bob Anderson was the man who actually did Vader's fighting ... it was always supposed to be a secret.  Bob worked so bloody hard that he deserves more recognition."  Of the fight in Empire Strikes Back when Vader famously severs Luke’s hand, Bob said, “It’s the first time I’ve doubled the baddie and won!”

His final work was done as Swordmaster for the upcoming film The Hobbit, which I cannot wait to see.  In the 2009 documentary Reclaiming the Blade, Bob was quoted as saying, “I never took up the sword…I think the sword took up me.”  Well said Bob.  You will be missed.

Noah Westerfield is a fencer, a fighter, and a fierce flabby fanatic of fried fowl