The Muppets long slumber is finally over...OR...It's about time someone put their hand up Kermit's butt

The Walt Disney Company, after previous unsuccessful attempts, purchased the Muppets in 2004.  Since then they had done absolutely nothing with the franchise, save for releasing some DVD’s of the Muppet Show, the horrendous looking Muppet Wizard of Oz, and making a few youtube videos.  Not what I would call a good use of one of my favorite childhood entertainment groups.  Now that the new Muppet Movie is out in theaters, I figured it would be a good time to look back on the lore of Muppets in movies. 

The Muppet Movie (1979)

I am rather conflicted about this movie.  Obviously it deserves some merit for being the first of the Muppet film adventures, but it is at times my least favorite of the Muppet films that have an original storyline, but at other times it really shines.  And those times are the songs and cameos.  Edgar Bergen (in his final film appearance), Milton Berle, Mel Brooks, James Coburn, Dom DeLuise, Elliot Gould, Bob Hope, Madeline Kahn, Carol Kane, Cloris Leachman, Steve Martin, Richard Pryor, Telly Savalas, and Orson Welles all have cameo appearances and they set the bar high for cameos in Muppet movies to follow.  Along with the cameos, the songs and the soundtrack are some of the best in Muppet film.  I know all the words to The Rainbow Connection, Moving Right Along, Never Before, Never Again, I Hope that Something Better Comes Along, Can you Picture That?, and I’m Going to go Back there Someday.  But that said…the plot of this movie is just not good.  If you’ve never seen this movie, the bad guy is a fried frog legs restaurant owner who wants Kermit to be his spokesperson.  Yeah.  THAT bad.  Thankfully any time the plot starts to take too long, we get another cameo, or a song.     

6.5 Ninja Stars.

The Great Muppet Caper (1981)

This is by far my favorite Muppet Movie.  It has great songs, awesome cameos, and the plot is fun too!  Kermit and Fozzie play identical twins reporting on a series of jewel thieves, and Gonzo plays their photographer.  The trio travel to London where they come across the rest of the gang at the Happiness Hotel.  If I ever get to go to London, I want to stay there.  It’s another of the songs I know all the words to, and will gladly serenade you with at any time day or night.  The single greatest cameo in all of Muppetdom is John Cleese as the wealthy owner of the house at 17 Highbrow Street.  Diana Rigg and Charles Grodin are the two main human characters as siblings Nicky and Lady Holiday.  At one point, Kermit thinks Piggy is the rich fashion designer Lady Holiday and takes her to the ritzy Dubonnet Club, where a line takes place that I didn’t get as a kid, but cracks me up to no end as an adult (a trick that makes Muppet movies fun for ALL ages).  Fozzie, watching Kermit and Piggy dance, is stirring sugar into a martini glass…he looks to the table next to him and says: “Ya know, if you put enough sugar in this stuff it tastes just like Ginger Ale!”  Then there is the intercutting of the two groups getting ready for the big final scene.  The thieves go down their checklist of supplies:

Nicky: Wire cutters?

Carla: Check.

Nicky: Key scrambler?

Marla: Check.

Nicky: Grappling gun?

Darla: Check.

Cut to the Muppets in the shambles of the Happiness Hotel…

Fozzie: Whoopee cushion?

Kermit: Check.

Fozzie: Frisbee?
Scooter: Uh…lost.

Fozzie: Wax lips?

Zoot: Man, I just had them!

Floyd: Are they in your other pants?

Zoot: I don’t HAVE no other pants!

And when the announcer starts doing the play-by-play of the recapturing of the “fabulous” baseball diamond (pause for groaning due to bad pun), I can’t help but laugh.  This movie is fun and timeless from start to finish.  I highly recommend it to kids of all ages.

9 Ninja Stars.

The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984)

This holds the title as my second favorite of the Muppet movies, and basically, it’s a remake of “The Muppet Movie,” but with a much more enjoyable plot.  In both movies, Kermit has to pitch his idea for a great show, and has to get his gang together in order to make the show work.  But in Manhattan, there’s the glory of New York, and thereby the glory of New Yorkers, like Pete the restaurant owner, and the scene in Central Park where Piggy gets mugged and “borrows” some skates from Gregory Hines.  If you’ve never seen a Muppet on roller skates…find this movie.  And at one point Kermit gets amnesia and in trying to start a new life becomes a soap salesman.  It just doesn't get much more off the wall than that.

8.5 Ninja Stars.

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

And here begins the phase where the majority of Muppet movies are just rehashes of previous films, only done with Muppets.  This is the best of those, as the charming nature of the Muppets carries over fantastically into Charles Dickens classic Christmas tale.  Michael Caine plays Scrooge fantastically, and this movie is notable for several reasons.  Firstly, this is the first Muppet movie to be done following the death of Jim Henson in 1990.  Steve Whitmire took over the role of Kermit and several other voices that had previously been done by Henson, and this is also the first movie directed Jims son Brian.  It is also the first movie co-produced by Disney. 

6 Ninja Stars.

Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

And the theme of revamping old works continued in this horrid rendition of film.  Tim Curry and Billy Connoly do an alright job as Long John Silver and Billy Bones…but I think this movie was just a failed concept that made it all the way through production.  Muppets shouldn’t be swashbucklers, and high adventure and derring-do are not their stock in trade. 

4 Ninja Stars.

Muppets from Space (1999)

This movie was a breath of fresh air of an original plot, but is not the best of the Muppet movies.  The songs are not as good as previous Muppet films since most are just revamps of classic soul and funk tunes…which I like…but aren’t really “classic Muppet,” and frankly, the cameos are lacking as well.  In just 20 years the quality of cameo stars went from titans like Bob Hope and Richard Pryor to Katie Holmes and Hulk Hogan.  But despite not hitting the two notorious high spots in Muppet films, the plot is actually intriguing.  Gonzo, always the loner, always the outsider, starts longing for his real family outside of the Muppet family…and realizes that his family is trying to contact him…from space!  Yes friends, Gonzo is an alien.  I know it’ll take you a while to digest that, so I’ll wait.  Done?  Well it really wasn’t that big a shock.  But the story does keep you entertained throughout, and this movie introduces Pepe the King Prawn.  He’s funny.

6.5 Ninja Stars.

The Muppets Wizard of Oz (2005)

Ok, I’ll admit it.  I never saw this one.  It just looks bad.  It looks not like a remake of “The Wizard of Oz” as much as a remake of “The Wiz.”  Frankly, I had no idea this was even out there until I started doing research for this blog post. 

Can’t rate a movie I’ve never seen.

The Muppets (2011)

Ah, the long awaited return of the Muppets to the big screen!  And this movie did not disappoint.  Amy Adams and Jason Segel are the two human plot movers this time around, and this Muppet movie has nod after nod to every incarnation of past Muppet glory.  The gang has to get back together for one last big show, and as a fan not just of the Muppet movies, but of the Muppet Show, this film had a lot of moments that seemed hand-picked just for me to remember and treasure.  The cameos are still there, and some of them are humorous, some of them not as much, but that’s the same in all Muppet films, and there is music too…and the music is one of the highlights of the film.  For instance, when the cast comes together to sing the theme to the Muppet show, I started to well up.  When Kermit struck the first chords of “The Rainbow Connection” on his banjo, I wanted to sing along, but I couldn’t…because I was in tears.  It may come as a surprise to some of you loyal readers, but this ninja is a pretty easy cry at a good movie. 

8 Ninja Stars

Oh, and the fact that I learned just weeks before seeing this film, that “Mahna Mahna” the quintessential song from the first episode of “The Muppet Show” that also featured at the end of The Muppets, came from a Swedish softcore porn just makes me like Muppets all the more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXo1ufdQ4sg (No nudity, but you hear the song)

Noah Westerfield fully believes in the power of the Lovers, the Dreamers, and YOU!